That word rang true for me during my emotional roller coaster this past week. Here's the 411: I applied to the MSW program at the University of Iowa in '09. Denial letter. (not gonna lie... my undergrad grades are nothing to brag about so I wasn't shocked) So I quit my job in Kansas City and moved home... with my parents... to take out a loan... and register for 12 credits of graduate school to prove my grades. Sure enough, I did. In fact, despite my academic insecurities and past academic failures, I did awesome!
I applied again in March. On Friday I got a text from my mom: "your letter is here." Instantly my stomach sank and I rushed home from work early, eagerly anticipating the words in that envelop. DENIED. Are you freakin' kidding me?!? 9 months, $4,000+ dollars, and a GPA of 3.8 all down the drain! I was MAD. No, actually my mom was mad. I was sad. As I read and reread the letter of failure my adorable little niece just stared at me, giggling and smiling. I wanted to say "Tabby, stop being so freakin' cute. I want to cry. Leave me along!" But instead I picked her up and set her on my lap. I couldn't help but laugh along with her. Babies make everything better. Unfortunately that happiness was brief as it was interrupted when her selfish parents stole her away from me! Again, I began sulking in my own failure. So I did what any other person would do after receiving bad news... picked up the phone and gathered some good gal friends and a bottle of wine for what we like to call a "bitch fest." And that it was. (if you haven't participated in one of these, I highly recommend it!)
I can't go any further without mentioning how awesome Brad was during this emotional roller coaster. Happy. Mad. Sad. Annoyed. Happy. Mad. Sad. Annoyed. He had 2 exams to study for yet he took every opportunity to validate my feelings... not matter which feeling it was at the moment.
The next morning reality sunk in during my painful hangover... oh yeah, I have a 16 page paper due on Monday for a class I don't care about anymore. UGH! Brad took me out to lunch then we spent the rest of the day doing homework together until I fell asleep with a book in my lap. I was (emotionally) exhausted!!
Monday I went to class... 8 hours of it that is... to hand in my piece of crap paper. My teacher called me into her office during one of our breaks and began with an "I'm sorry to hear..." blah blah blah and I cut her off and told her I'd rather not discuss it (mad... sad... annoyed). Being the Social Worker that she is she continued. And I'm thankful she did because it gave me an opportunity to explain my frustration. A few tears, a lot of self-disclosure, and 3 hours later... I'M ACCEPTED!! That's right... I'M IN! Apparently there was some confusion on my application somethin' somethin' somethin'... who cares I'M IN!! And that's what I mean when I say it's been a week of COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!
Life Lesson: Be the best person you can be every single day and hope things work out. Don't give up. Work hard. You can't be anything better than the best you. And sometimes it pays off but you will always know you tried. Like Limp Bizkit once said... "Gotta have faith"
LHMBS
