Cognitive Dissonance

That word rang true for me during my emotional roller coaster this past week. Here's the 411: I applied to the MSW program at the University of Iowa in '09. Denial letter. (not gonna lie... my undergrad grades are nothing to brag about so I wasn't shocked) So I quit my job in Kansas City and moved home... with my parents... to take out a loan... and register for 12 credits of graduate school to prove my grades. Sure enough, I did. In fact, despite my academic insecurities and past academic failures, I did awesome!

I applied again in March. On Friday I got a text from my mom: "your letter is here." Instantly my stomach sank and I rushed home from work early, eagerly anticipating the words in that envelop. DENIED. Are you freakin' kidding me?!? 9 months, $4,000+ dollars, and a GPA of 3.8 all down the drain! I was MAD. No, actually my mom was mad. I was sad. As I read and reread the letter of failure my adorable little niece just stared at me, giggling and smiling. I wanted to say "Tabby, stop being so freakin' cute. I want to cry. Leave me along!" But instead I picked her up and set her on my lap. I couldn't help but laugh along with her. Babies make everything better. Unfortunately that happiness was brief as it was interrupted when her selfish parents stole her away from me! Again, I began sulking in my own failure. So I did what any other person would do after receiving bad news... picked up the phone and gathered some good gal friends and a bottle of wine for what we like to call a "bitch fest." And that it was. (if you haven't participated in one of these, I highly recommend it!)

I can't go any further without mentioning how awesome Brad was during this emotional roller coaster. Happy. Mad. Sad. Annoyed. Happy. Mad. Sad. Annoyed. He had 2 exams to study for yet he took every opportunity to validate my feelings... not matter which feeling it was at the moment.

The next morning reality sunk in during my painful hangover... oh yeah, I have a 16 page paper due on Monday for a class I don't care about anymore. UGH! Brad took me out to lunch then we spent the rest of the day doing homework together until I fell asleep with a book in my lap. I was (emotionally) exhausted!!

Monday I went to class... 8 hours of it that is... to hand in my piece of crap paper. My teacher called me into her office during one of our breaks and began with an "I'm sorry to hear..." blah blah blah and I cut her off and told her I'd rather not discuss it (mad... sad... annoyed). Being the Social Worker that she is she continued. And I'm thankful she did because it gave me an opportunity to explain my frustration. A few tears, a lot of self-disclosure, and 3 hours later... I'M ACCEPTED!! That's right... I'M IN! Apparently there was some confusion on my application somethin' somethin' somethin'... who cares I'M IN!! And that's what I mean when I say it's been a week of COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!

Life Lesson: Be the best person you can be every single day and hope things work out. Don't give up. Work hard. You can't be anything better than the best you. And sometimes it pays off but you will always know you tried. Like Limp Bizkit once said... "Gotta have faith"

LHMBS

What do I know??

I started a new job as a Mental Health Coordinator about a month ago. I was stoked... and surprised they offered it to me considering it's a supervisor position and not only have I hardly worked in this field but I, most definitely, have never held a supervisor role! I mean seriously, what do I know? My first week I was in all-day training and I couldn't help but notice employees were working 10 hour days and running around like chickens with their heads cut off! So I get it now... they hired me because they were over their eyeballs in work. In addition, they hired two other people--one girl starts next week and the other starts in May. I knew I'd be working like a dog as soon as my training's were complete.

It's been 4 weeks now and I must say I am super... BORED!!! I have spent time working on school work and nobody seems to care. I have taken the initiative to create several color-coded spreadsheets for random things that don't really apply to me. I have even gone on walks just to pass the time! Some of you might be thinking "HELLO LAZY! Ask someone for some tasks! Ask how you can help them take a load off!" But hold those thoughts... I promise you, I do! And I just want to make it clear, I do like my job. I do like the people I work with. I'm just eager to get going! (I might regret saying this later when I am the one up to my eyeballs in work!)

Luckily they put me in charge of interviewing and hiring new staff so I've got something to do on Thursday. Yes, I'll be interviewing people who I would potentially supervise. Weird. Most of these people have a bachelors degree and even more job experience than me! So I ask myself again... what do I know? We'll see I guess... wish me luck!!

That's all for now
LHMBS

After much deliberation I have decided to walk in the footsteps of my sister, Morgan, who has written an exciting and entertaining blog since 2005. Prior to this blog I questioned if my life was exciting enough to entertain readers. Then I realized... HELLO... I'm 24 years old, my two roommates are my parents, I'm head-over-heals in love, I'm working on my MSW, and I'm a full-time Mental Health Coordinator... I think I can find some stories to entertain!

• After graduating with my B.S. at ISU I moved to Kansas City where I lived with two friends from high school and we had the TIME OF OUR LIFE!!! One year later, I was packing my bags to move back to Des Moines for graduate school where I would be living with the first two roommates I ever had... my parents.
• My boyfriend lives in Des Moines... I try to keep my infatuation with him to a minimum but it's more challenging than you'd think! I'm head-over-heals in LOVE with this guy!
• I just started a full-time job one month ago as a Mental Health Coordinator and I have faith this will bring hilarious, educational, and inspiring stories to my blog.

That's it for now.

LHMBS